How do you react when your partner keeps bringing up your past?

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We all have things in our pasts that we would rather forget.

We’re beautifully flawed human beings and part of growing and learning means stumbling and falling. All of that said – how do you respond when you are constantly reminded of something you would much rather forget? And what happens when those reminders come from the person you love and would like to trust most in the world?

My number 1 tip:

Don’t assume the worst. Your partner probably isn’t bringing up the past just to hurt you – chances are there’s a legitimately unresolved issue.

The good news is – you can get to the bottom of it by being intentional about your conversation.

Adopt the three assumptions:

Take a short break if you have been arguing – wait until you’ve both calmed, have a cup of tea and adopt these assumptions before you start talking:

1. We are on the same team;
2. Neither one of us has any intention of trying to make life harder for the other for our own benefit
3. WE each love the other and care first and foremost for the good of OUR relationship.

By adopting the three assumptions, you will listen more effectively and with more respect to one another and you will also waste less time trying to convince one another that you are right – and they are wrong – which is a completely futile exercise! For more on the three assumptions, you can check out a video I prepared earlier for Digital Romance TV.

Now onto today’s episode. You’ll notice that Selina and Bruce are arguing about Selina’s dubious thieving past – but its clear that there are deeper trust issues at play.

Questions for you and your partner:

1.) How do you think Selina and Bruce handled this discussion?

2.) Have you ever had a similar “discussion” with your partner?

3.) In what way is their relationship similar or different to yours?

Please start and join the conversation below and if you are enjoying this series, please let us know in the comments below!

The Superhero Soap Opera is a joint project brought to you by the super talented Daniel Newton of DGN Productions and me :). Make sure to head over to Daniel’s blog to check out art, comics and stories that are awesomely out of this world (but totally part of mine).

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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved - George MacDonald

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